Why do people go bad, are they just born that way? I know we all are sinners and fall short of the glory of God. The question is why do some people always seem to make bad choices? Are they possessed by the devil? People were possessed in bible times, some with three are more demons. I am not saying that this is the case because I do not know that much about the subject of being possessed. Sometimes it does make you wonder when we watch the news and see what is going on in this world of ours.
Then on Thursday night of this week it hit close to home.
My son’s mom has not seen or talked to him since he turned 6 years old. That is right she pitched a fit on his 6th birthday and hopped a Greyhound back to Georgia. We have had the same phone number since she deserted him in 2002. We got wind of where she was at and he wanted to call. He dialed the number and got an answering machine. The tears formed in his eyes as he left the following message. “Mom it is me XXXXX your son that you have not seen since I was 6, If you could please call me at xxx-xxx-xxxx 0r xxx-xxx-xxxx, or xxx-xxx-xxxx collect and Dad or my Step-Mom will accept the charges, hope you call, good buy”. By this time I was mad and hurting for him all over again. Why would she act like she had no child and that she has not done anything wrong. We have been calling and leaving messages for months with no call back. Let me give you the facts.
After we were married I found out she had 2 other kids by another marriage. I knew she had been married but she had never mentioned the kids. They were living in foster care. She ask me after we had our son if we could get the other 2 back from the state. We went and talked to the state and filled out all the paper work. The state told her that as long as we were married that they could live with us, that after the evaluations it was determined that she was not stable but I offset her evaluation so the kids would be fine. This made me a little suspicious so I started doing some digging. Shocked by what I found, she was a Felon convicted of Armed Robbery. I talked to her about it and she said that she was young and everyone made mistakes. I gave her credit and we moved on but it got worse. The below is just some of the issues we had to deal with.
- The Nursery called me one day and said our son had not been picked and I needed to come get him as they were closed. She had forgotten to get him due to being high and drunk
- I came home one day and ask where the kids were, she replied I could not take it anymore so I called the State and gave them back, all we have now is our son.
- We went shopping one day I ask her where are the pants that you took in the dressing room to try on, she said they are under my pants I am going to steal them, I ask why we got plenty of money. She replied just because I can. I told her to either by them or put them back.
- She stole checks and signed my name to them.
- She could not pass a drug test to save her life so working was out of the question.
- I paid for drug Rehab; she left it early only after 7 days, and beat up his Grandmother.
One day I ask her why do you keep making the same mistakes over and over? Her reply, my Grand Father died when I was young he was the only person who cared, I was sexually abused as a child, my dad and mom use drugs. Then it turned into being my fault because I did not trust her, and she had really done nothing wrong and did not see why I had to take our son away and divorce her. With out me she had nowhere to go and did not know what to do. Never once did she say she had a problem but the blame was always put somewhere else.
Listed Below are some of the reasons that people do not care what they do and have no remorse and no concept of the consequences of their actions. While I worked for the prison system a learned about these issues by talking to the doctors that evaluated the inmates.
- Bipolar
- Low Self Esteem
- Drug Abuse
- Mental Disorder
- Learning Disability
All of the above will have to be diagnosed by a doctor. Every Doctor I have talked to said the same thing “you can not help a person change they have to do it, want it, and most of the time they have to hit rock bottom before they seek help”. The trouble is they can not hit rock bottom if we keep catching them.
Then I saw the light, it was not up to me to change her it was up to her change herself. I also learned that I was not responsible for her down fall. I never held a gun to her head and made her do anything; she made the decisions not me. Then I remembered the definition of INSANITY, doing the same thing the same way and expecting different results. I had fallen in to the that category, no matter what I did, she was not going to change, The most important thing was I had to take care of my son no one else was around to, no matter what she thought, he had to be taken care of. I picked my self up by the boot straps and put him first and moved on. I could not worry about what other people, the church, or my family thought about another divorce the 3rd one to be exact. He had to be put first. It turned out the church was very supportive along with everyone else, I guess they knew that we are not perfect and life happens!
I guess the old saying is true a leopard will not change their spots, to this day she is no different, from what I have heard, they say she has give up the drugs but how much damage has been done to her mind and body. Her step-dad tossed her out of the house. She was staying with him and her Mom.
We shall go on a search and see if we can not round her up, all he wants is an explanation, I bet the one she gives him will blame someone or something else.
Moral of Story: Let no one become between you and your responsibility to the ones that love and count on you.
